The Man I Desire (The Man I Need Trilogy #2) Page 2

  ‘Let go of me.’

  The sinking feeling in my chest expanded to a longing. I was confused and angry with myself for enjoying it.

  ‘Ow.’ Another slap, this time to my other cheek.

  ‘Get off me.’ And again back to the other cheek, repeating the cycle.

  ‘Ow.’ I tried to pull away from him but he gripped me tight.

  ‘You can’t do this.’

  ‘Ow.’ This time it felt harder.

  ‘Who’s going to stop me?’

  ‘I-‘

  The sharp slap when it came knocked the wind from me.

  A yearning ache filled my stomach. I wanted this so bad it almost hurt.

  ‘When you’re being punished I expect you to be quiet and keep still.’

  ‘Ow.’

  He paused for a few moments and I thought that it was over, but then I felt his hands fumbling to lift my dress. My instinct kicked in and I flung my hand out to conceal my knicker-clad arse.

  ‘No, not like that.’

  ‘I’ll only spank you on the bare.’

  He pulled my hand away and held it above my head. With his arm outstretched and covering one hand with his, I could reach out with my other. He tugged my knickers down to reveal my naked backside just as I covered one naked cheek.

  ‘Please?’

  ‘You can beg and plead all you like but you’re going to get the spanking you deserve.’

  There were no neighbours nearby. The cottage was completely detached from civilisation. Nobody would hear me scream. Not that I would, because despite my show of reluctance I was aroused. Heat brushed my cheeks as I felt my pussy pulsating. My nipples grazed the sofa as I wriggled, sending shockwaves of pleasure to spread down to the cleft of my pussy as I rubbed it hard against his denim-clad thigh.

  He held both of my wrists above my head in one hand without strain and began to slap my cheeks one at a time with his large flat palm. It stung more now that I had no clothes to cover my pale skin.

  ‘Ow,’ it hurts.’

  ‘It’s meant to hurt.’

  My face flushed crimson. I was embarrassed. Despite rocking and twisting in the hope that I’d be able to free myself from his grip he continued to spank me. Each stroke felt harder than the last.

  ‘Ow, ow, ow.’

  My pleas fell on deaf ears. He let go of my wrists and held one hand, the only one I could have used to cover my arse from each firm stroke he applied to my now stinging rear. And as he did a wave of euphoria took over me.

  His hand reined down several slaps, hard and fast.

  ‘Stop!’

  ‘I’m going to spank you until you’re sore, like it or not.’

  My eyes watered from the humiliation of being bent over my boyfriend’s knee. My arse exposed and vulnerable.

  With each stroke I felt a little more of my anger dissipate, only to be replaced by fear. Would this ever end?

  ‘Please, stop,’ I said as the rush of pleasure I’d felt earlier began to wane.

  Again he ignored my pleas. I tried to blink back the tears that welled in my eyes but it was pointless. I was going to cry like a bloody child. Pissed off with myself and not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry I buried my head in my free arm, but this only meant that he couldn’t hear my muffled cries.

  I was sore and praying for it to be over when he said, ‘I don’t want to do this you know.’

  I heard myself saying, ‘then why are you?’

  ‘Because you need it.’

  I didn’t have time to reply with a sassy comment as he rained down a rapid succession of firm whacks that left me gasping for air.

  I’d begun to understand what he meant later. After he’d applied several hard whacks to my stinging rear my fight was beginning to wane. My arse was sore, but my ego had been well and truly beaten.

  ‘I’m not going to put up with your trashy mouth,’ he said, applying a few more slaps to my already raw backside.

  I could no longer hold in the disappointment I felt for upsetting him. The anger and tension I’d been trying to contain had almost disintegrated. All that was left was my bare behind, scarlet red just like my face. I was mortified that I could have allowed Blake to do this to me, but more than that I was embarrassed I’d forced him to resolve to such a method. I guessed then he was right. He’d never intended to spank me that day, I’d pushed him to react, knowing exactly what I was doing. Testing him was second nature to me.

  Several more firm handed strikes really made it hit home how much I’d hurt him. I clenched my fists in an attempt to contain my distress.

  ‘Ow, that’s too hard,’ I cried, realising that no matter what I did, Blake wasn’t going to release me until he thought I’d received what I’d earned. The trouble was, I knew how much that was.

  ‘You’re lucky I’m only using my hand.’

  That was when the floodgates opened and I began to howl. I was a hot sobbing mess when his strikes increased in frequency. I didn’t have the time to react because no sooner had his hand left the tender skin of my rear it would return once more. I cried loudly, hoping it would arouse his good nature but it only seemed to annoy him.

  ‘You can scream as loud as you want, but nobody is going to save you. The only way you’re getting out of this is if you let go.’

  ‘Never!’

  As his strikes grew more intense, I realised that I’d better consider his words because if I didn’t I was sure to be there a long time, and I knew I couldn’t cope with much more.

  I breathed in deeply as I’d been taught in counselling all those years ago and allowed my body to soften. I wept silently into the sofa, feeling the fabric of Blake’s jeans beneath my bare thighs. Knowing my arse was on fire in front of him where he not only had a good aim but could also see my wounded flesh sent ripples of shame to flood my loins. I was ashamed that I hadn’t fought him off me but more than that I was ashamed of my own actions. He’d resorted to the very thing he told me he would if I continued to disrespect him. And what had I done? I’d continued to disrespect him, knowing how it would end, but still, somehow, believing I was invincible and could by-pass the consequences.

  A shockwave of guilt rose up from my bowels and filled me with the sickness I’d only before experienced when I’d stolen Blake’s car to attack Nate, Madison’s boyfriend, the week before. Accusing him of being responsible for her disappearance when she’d gone AWOL, knowing the police were coming after her because she was a suspect. I had betrayed Blake and lied to him. Ashamed of my actions, determined to seek his forgiveness, and wanting it to be over with quickly, I apologised.

  He stopped, his hand on my hot rear. The pain was intense but no worse than the feel of his sweaty palm which caused it to sting even more.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I cried, this time the meaning was obvious.

  ‘You’re forgiven,’ he said, releasing his grip on my hand enough that I was able to instinctively reach back and rub my swollen arse. But it hurt like hell so I left it alone and sat up.

  Unable to meet Blake’s eyes, I was grateful he pulled me towards him and held me close. The problem was in that position I had no choice but to sit my tender backside on his jean-clad thighs, and the denim caused my arse to throb.

  He held me tight so I couldn’t move, not that I wanted to. Because there, in that position, I was able to sink my face into his neck. His skin smelt of sweat and cologne. His masculine scent and the feel of his strong arms, holding me firmly against his chest made me want to melt into his body. Still breathless, and with tears streaming down my face I felt his warm hand on my back, stroking and soothing me as though I was the most precious thing in his world. I was reassured by his embrace that I would continue to be cared for and protected by this man, who when he felt it necessary would also discipline me.

  Despite what he had just inflicted on me, I didn’t hate him. I couldn’t hate him. If anything I felt more warmth towards him. Because if he cared enough to hold me with the same hands he’d used
to hold me to account for my actions, actions that were detrimental to myself, to him, to our relationship, then I must have held a very special place in his heart.

  ‘It’s over,’ he said, stroking my hair with one hand and applying just enough pressure to my back to let me know that so long as I didn’t commit the same offences, any residual hurt he’d felt over my recent behaviour was forgiven.

  It was truly gratifying to know that Blake wouldn’t hold any of my past misdemeanours against me. I should expect not to hear another word from Blake about my decision to visit Madison in prison, stealing Blake’s car, attacking Nate, or my loud mouth.

  So long as I continued to submit to his rules.

  I made a silent promise not to give him cause to correct me again. I had no intention of being put in that position a second time. Once was enough.

  He cradled me in his strong arms as I relaxed, allowing my body to soak up his positively calm energy. My fractured breathing slowly returned to normal. The tears dried on my face. I stayed there until he released me and told me to stand.

  He lifted my chin with his hand and I looked up to him. My eyes red and my face still flushed from the experience.

  ‘You know I only did it because I care. I won’t let you hurt me or yourself.’

  I knew what he meant. I had to look after myself better. I had to remember to eat even when I was busy or stressed. When I was tired or had something on my mind, I only needed to say so. I had to be open and honest with him as he had been to me. I had deserved his punishment. I knew I did. That didn’t make me weak. I gained strength from the knowledge that I was a powerful woman who demanded attention and had decided to accept the consequences of my attention seeking behaviours. Blake wanted a peaceful life and so did I. It would be easier if I stopped pushing and shoving him for a reaction.

  I guessed he was right about one thing. I knew exactly how to push his buttons, but I also knew how to take it when I went too far. That was something he hadn’t been expecting.

  I gazed up at him, noticing a slight tick above one eye. Realising I had to reassure him that I wasn’t going to run for the hills just because he’d spanked me, I decided to play down my sincere pleasure at having met a man, who could finally, and quite literally whip me from my feet.

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘For what?’ he said, appearing to be genuinely stunned by my reaction.

  ‘For being you.’

  I stood on tip-toes and raised my head to kiss him. He didn’t protest, but instead of comforting me by wrapping his thick arms around me as I’d expected, he looked me straight in the eyes and said, ‘I could love you.’

  I laughed, nervously.

  ‘What’s so funny?’

  Despite being sore from his hand, I felt something strong pulsing between us. A connection I’d never felt with another man.

  ‘Could you love me?’

  I did accept that I’d needed his guidance. But could I fall in love with a man who would take me in hand to keep me on the right path, as he was suggesting?

  ‘I … I don’t know.’

  I saw the adoration in his eyes. The knowledge that he’d met his match with me, but self-assured enough to know that I’d been searching for a real man to take the place of Joe, a man who didn’t know what he wanted, and Tyler, a man who had a warped idea of what he wanted. All those other men in between had only been after one thing-my body, and I’d thought I’d wanted that too, only it was superficial. Just as Blake had suggested our conversations had been before I’d opened up to him and told him why I was so afraid of commitment and intimacy. But being exposed and vulnerable in front of Blake had ripped away some of my armour.

  ‘Could you love me?’

  ‘I suppose so,’ I said.

  Was he trying to tell me that he loved me?

  And just like that my fear returned. But that time I wasn’t scared of Blake. I wasn’t even scared of what he would do if I hurt him. I was afraid of giving him a reason to do it again so I kept silent whilst I collected my knickers from the floor. I walked into the bathroom and locked the door. Lifting my dress I saw the devastation he’d inflicted on me. My entire backside was bright red. I slid my knickers up over the skin, and let my dress fall down over my arse.

  Later, lying on my front on top of the bed, unable to bare my sore bottom touching anything I thought about what it might be like if this were made a more permanent arrangement. Could I handle living like this full-time?

  I had plenty of time to decide. I’d only committed to being his girlfriend, to move in with him. I could still walk away at any time.

  I breathed in the newly washed sheets and tried to shove the doubt to the back of my mind.

  I needed some air, but I didn’t want Blake to think that I was running away again. I needed to face him and tell him how I felt.

  He appeared in the bedroom doorway as I was sliding my feet into my sandals.

  ‘Where are you going?’

  ‘I need some fresh air. I was going to take a walk to the beach.’

  ‘Alone, or can I come with?’

  ‘Alone, if you don’t mind.’

  ‘Not at all. I’ll get some lunch on the go, shall I?’

  The thought of what he might draw up from his culinary skills made my mouth water.

  ‘Please?’

  I pulled my cardigan from the back of the chair beside the mirrored wardrobe and headed towards the door.

  ‘You’re not having second thoughts about us, this lifestyle, are you?’ he said, halting me in my tracks.

  ‘No.’ I smiled.

  But I needed some air to my backside. The thought of the wind whipping against the thin cotton of my dress, cooling the hot skin beneath it was a welcome thought.

  BLAKE

  She was beautiful and sexy and perfect. And, I thought I’d fallen in love with her. The only problem was I wasn’t sure she felt the same way. Especially after I’d battered her behind.

  She left the house to take a walk on the beach. I suspected she needed the time alone to process things, and I was only too glad to give her the space she needed. I also secretly suspected that she needed the cool wind to whip up her legs and soothe her scorching rear. I welcomed the thought that when she returned home seeking warmth and comfort, she’d want nothing more than for me to give it to her.

  When she didn’t return for lunch I wasn’t too worried. But as the afternoon wore on and the sky turned dark, I began to grow increasingly concerned.

  Had I frightened her away? Had I shown her too soon, what she could have if she loved me too? Had she fled believing she wasn’t worthy? Or had she realised this wasn’t the lifestyle she craved?

  By 7:00pm I had searched everywhere nearby and had begun to traipse the cliffs for a sign that she’d been there. By 9:00am I was sill searching, anxious enough to consider calling the police.

  I imagined she’d been attacked, hit by a car, had fallen to her death. I was scared. But more than that, I was angry with myself for letting her go out alone in an area she was still getting used to, and not offering to go with her. But she’d said she wanted to be alone, and I couldn’t force her to stay. I wasn’t a monster. I knew I had traditional views, but she had welcomed that, hadn’t she?

  EZRA

  When he caught up with me he looked about ready to paint my arse red again. Only when he held out his arms and pulled me towards him I felt his shoulders relax around the slim curve of my body and his tone was soft.

  I’d been stood watching the sunset on the horizon. I’d felt secure. I hadn’t noticed the time, having forgotten to wear a watch. I still hadn’t bought a new phone since giving my old one to the police. They hadn’t managed to trace the caller who’d breathed down the line at me, and despite pleading her innocence I’d believed it had been Maddie. Since I’d arrived back in Brighton my sense of timing had gone caput. The sky had looked so beautiful bleached blood red and burnt orange, and the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks had lulled me in
to a false sense of presence. I was there, but I was not. I was at one with the universe. A beautifully constructed world in which I was a small element. A small pebble on the shore like the stones I held in my palm, flicking them down one at a time as Blake came drew away from me. The world was bigger than me. But my actions had a ripple effect. I could upset the man who’d almost declared his love for me, but was I prepared for a future that involved what he’d shown me?

  ‘Where have you been?’

  ‘I wanted to watch the sunset.’

  ‘It’s cold,’ he said. ‘Here, take this.’

  He placed his suit jacket over my shoulders and my arms ceased shaking. My hands gripped tightly onto the sleeves of his coat so as not to let him see my nerves had got the better of me.

  ‘What are you thinking?’

  I had given him permission to my body but I would not allow him access to my mind. Privacy was important to me. But intimacy was important to him. I felt conflicted and confused.

  My earlier reminder to respect him remained. I hadn’t been able to sit down for hours. My legs ached and my feet hurt from walking across sandy terrains, the pebble beach and rocks. The coastal walk was a dirt track that covered one end of the town and traveled to the other. I’d probably walked three miles and back across Hove. Lying was second nature to me but Blake valued honesty.

  ‘I needed time to think.’

  ‘About what?’

  ‘About us.’

  ‘Us?’

  I glared at him. Was he deliberately pretending not to be able to hear me or was it selective?

  ‘I was thinking about what you said,’ I shouted above the sound of the waves crashing below, realizing the wind had caught our breath and he probably hadn’t heard me because of that, not because he hadn’t been listening.

  ‘What I said?’

  ‘About love.’

  ‘Does it scare you?’

  ‘No. But I … I don’t know if … I can …’

  My voice was carried away in the gale-force winds which whipped my hair in front of my face.

  He stepped forwards and pulled me close, escorting me away from the windy lip of the hill where the cliffs stood, branched off in all directions directly below us. I imagined he wanted to move me to safety but was surprised when he told me he’d considered calling the police.