The Man I Desire (The Man I Need Trilogy #2) Read online

  ‘What’s the matter,’ I said, rushing to his side.

  ‘I’ve got to go out. Don’t go anywhere. Don’t speak to anyone. Just stay here while I … I …’

  ‘Blake, you’re scaring me. What is it, what’s wrong?’

  He turned and ran to the door, collecting his keys from the mantlepiece in one movement, his coat, already applied to his broad shoulders. I followed him to the door and stood there watching him jump into his car and drive off without another word. Wherever he was going he was in too much of a rush to notice me slipping on my shoes and running out the door to chase after him.

  ‘Where are you going?’ I called, but he couldn’t hear me. The car swerved over a pothole and disappeared round the bend before I’d made it to the gate.

  Sweaty and out of breath I imagined all sorts. He’d never dismissed me like that before. He’d never laid himself bare, enabling me to see the fear in his eyes. Whatever had taken him away from me left an unsettling feeling in my stomach, that didn’t leave me until he returned. But that was almost twelve hours later.

  I spent the rest of day agonizing over what had sent Blake Strong tearing out of the house and from his self-confessed responsibility of keeping me safe from harm. I felt vulnerable and scared. But not as scared as I was when somebody appeared at the glass of the front door, their form an ominous shadow against the sunlight filtering in through thick oppressive clouds overhead.

  My mind was as overcast as much as the sky was with dark thoughts, turning grey, threatening rain. I still didn’t know much about his sister’s death. Blake had drip-fed me the tale about a psychotic patient gaining her trust, that Tyler had known him, but I still had no further clue as to what caused Blake’s eyes to darken at the sight of blood or the mere mention of a knife attack that had occurred in a newsagent’s nearby. The botched robbery left a man injured and a stain on Blake’s heart he wouldn’t allow me to fully enter.

  I hid behind the sofa until the person, whoever he or she was had left, sure that whoever it was would return. Unable to stop the voice inside my head from telling me that it was Tyler and that he’d finally come to get me.

  No matter where I was I would never be safe unless I was in Blake’s company. I would always be looking over my shoulder. This thought made me shiver. Could it be possible that I’d become too dependent on Blake for protection?

  I couldn’t dispute the fact that I’d been praying he’d return home soon to comfort me with words of wisdom and hold me in his thick arms. I could picture him there whispering words of encouragement into my ear, ‘you’re safe now. I won’t let anyone or anything hurt you.’

  My thoughts were broken by the sound of something heavy thudding against the house. Something had hit the kitchen window. It took me a while to register the tree branch, its thick branches sweeping backward and forwards in the wind, catching the stone wall in its arms.

  I opened the back door quietly with a knife in hand in case someone appeared from the side of the house to attack me, but was shocked to see that the only thing nearby was the willow tree. Its branches like hands outstretched to greet me. I lunged forwards, determined and filled with rage. I began hacking away at the long thin branches and set to work to rid the inner turmoil that kept me invigorated as I chopped off more and more of the branches until all that was left on that side of the tree were a few stragglers.

  It was cold and dark by the time Blake arrived home. I’d already settled on the sofa, clock-watching, every now and again turning towards the window to see if he’d returned.

  When I saw the car headlights, I’d felt relieved. The door flung open, bringing with it an autumnal wind, rain and a few fallen leaves which fell across the floor of the entrance. I was blissfully unaware of the state of his shoes, bringing clogged mud into the living room, decorating the pristine floor with brown filth and small stones.

  When I looked up to meet his eyes I could tell he’d been crying. A strong man could only be moved to tears by one of two things: grief or loss. I’d guessed it was both, and I was right.

  BLAKE

  I knew I was acting hostile, but the look on Ezra’s face told me she was far from pleased with me for my hasty exit and sudden reappearance so late at night.

  It was almost 10:30pm when I finally returned home, a little drunk, a little pissed off, a little ashamed I’d fallen apart in front of the very woman I was supposed to be there for. But she didn’t seem to notice.

  ‘You’re allowed to be cared for too,’ she said.

  But I didn’t want her pity.

  ‘Not now,’ I brushed her off.

  She looked tired and on edge, but not as much as I felt in that moment.

  ‘I need some space.’

  She left the room in a huff but I wasn’t in the mood to respond to her amateur dramatics. I needed to be left alone when the darkness consumed me. The loss of manhood, the threat to my masculinity only angered me. Knowing I couldn’t save my sister and was incapable of protecting Ezra in that moment only exasperated my dented ego. What I wanted more than anything was to teach that no good son of a gun Tony, a lesson. Firstly, for feeding me misconstrued information. And, secondly, for not admitting he’d hit a brick wall when he had. None of this would have happened if he’d have kept to his side of the bargain: to hunt down Tyler. Instead, he’d given me a false lead, an address to a property that was owned by a young single mother in Leeds. But how could I tell her that the Tyler we’d been informed was living in Leeds with his mother might not be the Tyler Black who’d held her captive?

  He could be anywhere.

  When Ezra turned away from me in bed I’d already had enough of her winging and complaining.

  I flung her over onto her front so that she had no option but to look at me.

  ‘Leave me alone.’

  She knew I could do no such thing.

  I glanced out of the window and saw the willow tree, bare on one side.

  ‘Got handy with the knife, I see.’

  ‘The noise was getting on my nerves.’

  I moved her hair aside so I could see her face properly. Her arms were raised above her head where she’d left them. I imagined what they’d look like in handcuffs, but knew if I’d have tied her up then it would be dangerous. My emotions were out of my depth. I wouldn’t be able to control myself.

  ‘You left the house when I told you not to.’

  ‘So what?’

  I didn’t want to be the one to start a fight. I leaned down and kissed her tenderly on the lips but she drew her head back and looked at me with stone cold eyes.

  ‘I could have died tonight and you wouldn’t have known.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I had to find out. It was important to me.’

  ‘I thought I was important to you?’

  ‘You are,’ I said stroking her face.

  She shook her head.

  ‘I have needs.’

  ‘So do I.’

  I had no intention of allowing her to argue with me. I was in no mood for it.

  I kissed her again, harder this time to stop her talking.

  ‘You left me alone.’

  ‘I shouldn’t have.’

  ‘No, you shouldn’t.’

  She leaped up and hit her head on the wooden beam over the bed.

  ‘Ow.’

  I leaned towards her to stroke away the pain from her forehead but she drew away from me as though I’d stung her.

  ‘What do you want me to say?’

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Okay, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so selfish. Can I fuck you now?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘No?’

  I knew she really meant yes, but was too stubborn to say it.

  ‘Fine,’ I turned towards the wall.

  I could feel her eyes on the back of my head, but I’d had a long day and I couldn’t take her passive aggressive shit right then.

  ‘Blake?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’m sorry.’


  ‘For what?’

  ‘For nagging you.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘Do you forgive me?’

  ‘Can I please get some rest?’

  ‘Hey!’ she said, jolting me in the ribs.

  ‘What?’ I sat up.

  ‘You’re too tired,’ she said, realizing I was in no mood for games.

  ‘Too tired for what?’

  ‘Forget it,’ she said, having aroused my patience to its limit.

  ‘If you want something, just say it.’

  ‘I want you.’

  ‘You’ve got me.’

  ‘I want you to …’

  ‘Ezra, I’m not going to try and guess.

  ‘I’m cranky.’

  And in those two words, I knew what she wanted, but I couldn’t provide it to her.

  ‘Not now.’

  ‘Why not? Is it because I asked?’

  I didn’t want to spank her.

  She pulled my face towards hers and began to breathe on my neck, nibbling my earlobe the way she knew I liked.

  ‘You can relieve your stress on me if you like,’ she said, fluttering her eyelashes in the way she did when she wanted to peak my interest in something.

  ‘You don’t want me to.’

  ‘I do,’ she said.

  I saw the light in her eyes fade when I shook my head.

  ‘You won’t be able to handle it.’

  ‘Try me,’ she said.

  EZRA

  I’d been pushing him to see how far he’d go since he’d spanked me. I had no idea what I was letting myself in for, not really. He’d warned me, but I’d pushed him anyway, begging for his hand. What I’d got was far more than I’d bargained for.

  ‘Over the bed,’ he’d ordered me.

  I heard the clasp of his belt loop break free. The smell of leather in the air. The taste of fear on my tongue. The unthinkable was about to happen, and I’d denied it was possible that Blake might actually get his kicks out of hurting me.

  ‘Stop.’

  ‘I thought you wanted this?’

  ‘Not like this. Not now.’

  ‘But, I thought that’s what you wanted?’

  That wasn’t what I’d had in mind and he knew it. He’d been using my fears to undo me, and it had worked.

  He cracked the belt and I felt the sting in the air as my legs began to shake.

  ‘Turn around,’ he said.

  I knew it wasn’t wise to disobey him, but I also knew when I’d had enough.

  ‘I don’t want this. I can’t.’

  Okay,’ he said, dropping the belt to the floor.

  I ran from the room, my eyes blurred with tears.

  Why did I feel the need to push him so far?

  ‘Ezra,’ he appeared beside me, his arms outstretched. ‘Come here.’

  I ran into his arms, needing to feel his strength soaking through my weakness. I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

  ‘I don’t want that either.’

  ‘I know.’

  He didn’t want to hurt me. He would never be vindictive or spiteful or cruel, not unless I asked him to be. And we both knew now that wasn’t why I was here. I needed a man to be a man, not a monster. The thick line between consent and nonconsensual abuse had been drawn and I was only too glad he’d passed my test.

  I looked up at him and felt the same bubble of excitement take over me the moment he’d told me to get onto the bed.

  ‘Tie me up.’

  ‘You want me to dominate you?’ he said, a smile skittering on the edge of his stiff mouth.

  He was still unsure how to take me, but I wasn’t going to back out of this one.

  ‘I’ll do whatever you want so long as you’re not too rough with me.’

  He saw me wink and shoved me down onto the bed, his face above mine, his hands binding my wrists above my head.

  Before long, a set of handcuffs, real, from his time in the military police were clasped tightly around my wrists, holding my arms above my head to the bedpost.

  He straddled me, his heavy arms planted either side of me as I lay there naked.

  He looked down at me with such tender concentration, he appeared to have left his physical body behind.

  ‘Blake?’

  He glanced up and caught the uncertainty in my eyes. He leaned down and kissed me, gently. Running his fingers lightly down from my neck to my stomach and over my hips, teasing me, tickling me.

  I’d imagined being tied to the bed for so long, unable to break free, not wanting to, that when I found myself in that exact position I’d felt we’d already played the part a thousand times before.

  I blinked back images of Tyler above me, securing my wrists to the wall so I couldn’t move, couldn’t leave and looked into Blake’s eyes.

  He ran a hand behind my back and scooped me up, my wrists sore from the handcuffs as he flipped me over onto my stomach.

  ‘Blake?’

  ‘Shhh,’ he said, kissing my neck, breathing into my hair. His lips moved lower and lower until they reached my arse. He nipped the skin with his teeth and spread my legs apart with his hands.

  I lay there, exposed, my skin growing cold from his lack of touch when I felt silk between my legs. I turned my head, straining my neck to see the tie he held in his hand. Placing it over my eyes, he bound it tightly with a double knot at the nape of my head. Unable to visualize what he was actually doing meant I was only able to hear and smell. The belt was on the floor at my feet. The note of leather still punctured the air as I felt a breeze on my back. Knowing he was behind me and could do anything he wanted made me wet.

  ‘Blake …’

  I felt something being tugged from the bed. Before I realized it, a ripped shred of cotton from a pillow was torn away from the beautiful bedspread and held in front of my mouth. Tied from behind, I could no longer see or speak.

  ‘I’m going to have my wicked way with you,’ he said.

  His voice enticing. My vulnerability making me hot.

  I felt the first touch of his hand on my neck, gently tracing my spine. When it reached my arse I clenched my buttocks and felt the skin of his thick cock pressing against my arse.

  ‘Oh, Blake …’

  ‘Call me master,’ he said.

  I was glad he couldn’t see my face turn crimson at the mere mention of the word I’d dreamed of calling him for the past three weeks.

  I’d wanted to experience sex like that in so long my body ached with desire. My limbs trembled with anticipation.

  I felt his hand reach down to hold his cock, pressing it between my arse cheeks. The threat of it was enough to make me gasp without the need to feel it attempting to make its way inside me. Arse or pussy, I didn’t care. I just wanted him to fuck me.

  BLAKE

  I was tired and testy. I hadn’t been planning on a tie-up adventure that would go on all night. I thought that if I teased her enough, I’d eventually get to release some of my pent-up energy that boiled and fizzled beneath the surface. But seeing her lying there with her wrists bound, her face pressed into the pillow so that the only part of her face that was visible was her nose between a self-made blindfold of torn pillow and the tie that covered her mouth, sent ripples of pleasure shooting down my chest and into my hard cock pressed against her arse cheeks.

  I’d show her who was boss. I’d fuck her up.

  I drew my knees down to hers and opened her legs as wide as they’d go, feeling her thigh muscles tense as I dug my cock into the pit of her arse. But I didn’t want her there, like that. Not yet.

  She gasped, a moan of pleasure or pain I wasn’t sure, as I reached out for the willow branch and folded it in half, tracing the contours of her arse with its weeping structure. I’d found it on the floor in the hall. She must have brought it in with her earlier when she decided to cull the branches of the large tree.

  I wondered what she’d do if I marked her, branded her as mine, with the thin floppy string of willow.

  She arched her back the mom
ent I pulled it away from her pale flesh before standing up over her and letting the branch fall lightly onto her arse. I could tell by her rigid body, her lack of a response that it wasn’t enough for her.

  The next time I brought it up I caught her on the lower hem of her arse where the skin met thigh and she shuddered. The second time, a little harder. Aiming to swing for a forth, I clenched tightly onto the branch to stop it from slipping from my sweaty palm and lay it down against her arse in the same spot. She yelped. That was enough for me. I had no intention of hurting her, not for pleasure anyway. It wasn’t my thing.

  I’d acted the master of the bedroom for her. Binding her, gagging her, whipping her, because she’d asked me to. But I wasn’t into dominating her with implements. I wanted to dominate her mind. I waited for her body to tense before I turned her over onto her back in one sweep and pulled the blindfold from her face. I wanted to see her reaction when I told her what I knew.

  About Tyler.

  About her.

  About the lies.

  EZRA

  ‘Do you want to know what sent me away from you earlier in such a hurry?’

  ‘Okay …’

  ‘I was with Tony.’

  ‘Tony?’

  ‘The man who-‘

  ‘Oh, yes, the surveillance guy.’

  He nodded. ‘He had some interesting things to tell me.’

  ‘About?’

  ‘You.’

  ‘Oh, Blake, I haven’t got time for this.’

  ‘Then I’ll cut to the chase, shall I?’

  ‘Please?’

  ‘Tyler was your lover.’

  I was powerless. Completely under his control. He’d waited until then to tell me what he knew. He’d waited until I was tied to the bed, unable to run, unable to hide my face from his knowing gaze, before he told me.

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

  ‘Don’t lie to me, Ezra. I know.’

  And in that sentence he had me, completely under his spell, not just beneath his body.

  His captivating eyes were fearless, but my heart pounded beneath my ribs. He knew. He knew I’d lied. He knew that I was Tyler’s mistress. But Tyler’s actions had still put paid to that notion the moment he’d held me captive in the dark basement that became my home for six months.