The Man I Desire (The Man I Need Trilogy #2) Page 6

  After, we lay in each other’s arms, stroking and touching and kissing one another until we realized how late it was.

  Curling up beside each other in bed, later, I listened to Blake’s heart beating in his chest. I fell asleep to the slow thudding of his pulse, his hand on my breast, his chest to my back, and I thought I didn’t want to be anywhere else.

  BLAKE

  I forgave her for disappearing. I had no qualms with her being too afraid to run home that she’d found herself in a pub. I was glad she’d thought ahead and instead of relying on instinct, which may have lead to further danger, she’d found respite somewhere public. But I couldn’t understand why she resented the police.

  When I saw how strong she’d become being in the cottage, free to do as she pleased without looking over her shoulder, knowing I had her back, it turned me on more than anything.

  I fell asleep in the knowledge that she’d discarded her rash decision making for thoughtful sincere actions. And I was pleased that my guidance had finally paid off. The nagging uncertainty throbbed in my skull, though. So much so that I couldn’t sleep, wondering what plagued her reliance on the very people who could help her.

  What was she hiding from me?

  EZRA

  In the morning I awoke to the smell of fried bacon and eggs. I shot down the stairs, two at a time to find Blake cooking up a storm. Pots and pans had been left everywhere and I knew I’d be expected to clear them away.

  I tried to hide my irritability behind a smile, which as the morning wore on grew to a restrained anger. I was agitated when he’d told me he was going to speak to a solicitor on my behalf for an injunction. I was also terrified of being left alone in the cottage.

  By lunchtime, I was as tearful as I’d been anxious.

  ‘Do you have to go?’

  ‘Yes.’ He eyed me wearily.

  ‘And I suppose you expect me to stay here and play house until you get back?’

  ‘Actually, I was going to take you with me. You didn’t think I was going to leave you here alone did you?’

  I felt like a fool.

  ‘You did?’ he said, shocked.

  ‘I meant what I said, you know. I won’t let you down.’

  I remembered what he’d said as we’d made love. In the throws of passion, my back arched on the rug, his body above mine, he’d told me that being his woman meant that no matter what happened, no matter where life took us, he’d always be there for me. And, I’d obviously not believed him.

  ‘I didn’t mean-‘

  ‘Shhh,’ he said, placing a finger to my lips. ‘Not now. You are my queen and you shall enjoy the feast.’

  I ate without tasting a morsel.

  The moment I felt strong enough to hold the reins on my life I shoved Blake aside and stopped believing in his love. My lack of trust would have to die along with my maiden name if we were to become one, I thought. Then I almost said aloud, ‘as if that will ever happen.’

  He was my soulmate. My best friend. My rock. Did I truly believe myself to be unworthy, even now that he’d proven his loyalty?

  EZRA

  Blake caught the look of guilt on my face and I turned my head away.

  ‘How does Maddie know where to find you?’

  ‘The VO?’

  I tried to disguise the waves of panic that rose up to flood my cheeks.

  ‘The VO was sent to your apartment in London.’

  I knew that. Why did I think I could get one over on Blake, an ex-military policeman, a private investigator?’

  ‘You’ve spoken to her?’

  ‘I … okay, I did.’

  ‘What did she have to say for herself?’

  ‘That she was sorry. That she wasn’t in the right frame of mind. That she was jealous.’

  ‘Of you?’

  ‘Of us.’

  ‘I see.’

  He rested his hands on my shoulders. I could feel his body tense and relax. Tense and relax.

  ‘I’m sorry I kept it from you. I know I should have told you, but-‘

  ‘You should.’

  ‘Blake,’ I turned around to face him. ‘Please, don’t hate me?’

  ‘I could never hate you,’ he said, threading his fingers through my hair and gently tugging it so that my head fell back, my face inches from his.

  He leaned down and kissed me hard.

  ‘Didn’t I tell you not to lie to me?’

  ‘You did,’ I swallowed back words of anger.

  I shouldn’t have to confide in you over everything, though, I thought.

  ‘I’ll let it pass.’

  He released his woven fingers from my tangled hair and turned to walk away.

  But I didn’t want him to.

  The fact that I’d betrayed him once again, caused me to steel myself for a rebuke.

  ‘Forgive me. I need you to.’

  ‘I already have.’

  That was the first time I’d ever sought his forgiveness without the need for a reprisal.

  I waited until he’d gone upstairs to shower before I opened the card that Maddie had posted from HMP Somerton. The prison she was residing in, awaiting trial.

  I read the first line before tearing it in half and tossing the pieces into the bin outside.

  BLAKE

  I found the card stuffed inside the waste bin at the side of the house. I hadn’t intended to read it, but I was glad I did.

  Ezra’s lies only intensified my annoyance at the entire judicial system as it was. The police, the prison service, and the courts were all doing their job but was I doing mine if I continually allowed Ezra to hold the fort when it came to her friendship with the woman who’d caused all this. Okay, so Maddie had sent Ezra running into my arms. I’d found the love of my life through her. But not because of her friendship to Ezra, but because of her dishonesty and jealousy.

  I couldn’t understand why Ezra would want to speak to Maddie, let alone give her a forwarding address. Had she really felt threatened by Maddie’s actions, or was it all a ploy to wind me around her little finger as she so regularly tried to do.

  My patience was wearing thin when Ezra stormed out of the house and snatched the ripped card from my hands.

  ‘I would have given it to you if you’d have asked.’

  ‘You have no right to read my personal things,’ she said.

  ‘It was a housewarming card to us.’

  She turned her nose up at me.

  ‘Why didn’t you want me to read it?’

  ‘Because.’

  ‘Because?’

  ‘You’re suffocating me.’

  ‘You’re hiding things from me-again.’

  ‘So what?’

  ‘I’ll give you what, young lady.’

  She stepped back, but I wasn’t frightened she’d run off. Not this time. She was my responsibility. I’d vowed to protect her. And I would. But right then her only danger was herself.

  ‘You’re your own undoing, you know that?’

  ‘Yes,’ she sighed.

  ‘Am I that difficult to live with? Am I that hard to talk to?’

  ‘No,’ she said.

  ‘Then why must you hide this?’ I said, pointing to the two pieces of card in her hand.

  ‘I didn’t want to read it myself. Our friendship is over. I just thought I could throw it away and pretend-‘

  ‘It hadn’t existed.’

  ‘Yes,’ she said coyly.

  ‘Ezra, you really are a bad girl.’

  ‘I know,’ she said, smiling.

  ‘I winked at her.’

  ‘I think it’s time you started to behave, don’t you?’

  ‘Yes,’ she said.

  ‘Upstairs, now.’

  EZRA

  ‘Yes, Sir.’

  It was all part of the game. A power-play between two hungry people. He was my boyfriend, my guardian. And, I, his woman.

  He wanted my complete surrender. I expected nothing less of him. But the moment he produced the thick wooden paddle
hairbrush, my desire began to wane.

  Okay, It had taken a while for me to tell him the truth, but I had, hadn’t I? So what was the big deal?

  I had enjoyed the intimacy of his intense gaze as I lay across his lap. But that. That was all he was interested in, it seemed. And I was bored of it.

  Bored of playing the dutiful submissive housewife, already.

  I couldn’t imagine spending another week living under Blake’s watchful gaze.

  BLAKE

  ‘If you use that, I’m walking out that door,’ she said, not a trace of a threat in her voice.

  She didn’t mean it.

  ‘You will do as you’re told.’

  ‘No, I won’t.’

  ‘Clothes off.’

  ‘What all of them?’

  She still hadn’t declined to receive a spanking, she’d only refused to allow me to use the brush, and remove her clothes. I dismissed her concerns as fear and realised I’d need to prepare her for this one with extra gentleness.

  ‘Ezra?’

  ‘Fine,’ she said, walking towards me. ‘But you’ll be sorry.’

  ‘No, you will be sorry.’

  ‘What is this for, having my own mind?’ she said as she stepped out of her knickers and pulled the dress up over her head.

  ‘For lying to me. Something I thought we’d already dealt with.’

  ‘Oh, you did, alright.’

  ‘Clearly, it wasn’t enough.’

  I ignored her sarcasm and motioned with my head for her to lay across my lap as I perched on the end of the bed. She knew what to do, and this time didn’t hesitate. Glancing back, her eye on the paddle brush held in my hand, I noted a look of fear flit briefly across her eyes.

  ‘This is going to hurt.’

  I felt her bottom clench. The muscles in her thighs bit hard into mine. Where my thighs were hard, her’s were soft even when she tensed.

  I didn’t give her time to relax. I wanted her to feel the thick, heavy wood connect with her tense arse cheek before she realised it would hurt less if she surrendered to her punishment.

  ‘Ow,’ she cried.

  When the brush landed on her other cheek I saw the faint pink mark where the previous slap had landed on the skin of her other, and my cock throbbed in my trousers.

  She didn’t fight me off or beg for it to end. Neither did she plead with me to stop. Unlike all the other times, she submitted to me gracefully, like a woman. She accepted every hard strike with a female beauty I’d never seen in her before.

  I was beyond aroused, but I had to focus on the task at hand.

  I could not mix punishment with pleasure. I would not allow pleasure to ease her pain. Because to do so, to touch her, or to allow her to feel my breath catching in my throat as I reddened her arse, would only accentuate her need for closeness. The final release would be her cathartic tears, not my cock pumping in and out of her. No matter how hard I tried to envision otherwise, images of her sore behind as I mounted her attempted to tattoo themselves to my retinas.

  I thought of the lies she’d told me. The secrets she’d kept from me. And I allowed the disappointment and hurt to override the satisfaction of burning her cheeks with the brush and the alpha man inside me roared above the salient need to comfort her.

  As I pelted her harder, I saw the first visible traces of bruising appear on her tender, red arse. Turning her swollen sore, and raw to the touch behind a mottled shade of purple, I felt the first waves of relief grab at me. The tentacles of an inner need to correct her unruly behaviour enabled me to finish the job with a few more hard whacks until she cried out in distress.

  As soon as I placed the brush down on the bed, she moved to release herself from my lap.

  ‘It’s not over yet, Babe.’

  I brought my hand out to hold one of hers against the crook of her back to keep her still.

  EZRA

  I’d expected to feel the thudding whack of the brush, but instead, I felt his fingers working their way up my thigh, caressing the skin between them and my pussy. They stroked, prodded and finally entered me. I let out a gasp of breath as he spun them around in the way he knew I liked. The rush of pleasure soaked his hand and I came with a moan. The searing pain of my behind was soon forgotten.

  I apologised, thinking it was over. But that was just the beginning. He had planned to be thorough with me this time. And I let him.

  I was bent over the bed, just as I’d imagined all those months ago. Only this time, there were no fingers inside me. No Kisses. No light fun slaps to my rear. My arse was on full display and his hands groped my hips from behind placing me into the position he wanted me in.

  There were no words spoken between us. There didn’t need to be. I had expected this. I had fought hard to find out how far I could push him before Blake did the unthinkable. He would use the one item I had dreaded more than any other.

  His belt.

  When I heard it break free of its loop, the sound of it snapping the air, the smell of leather caught between the moment of apprehension, and the moment it landed on my already aching arse, wasn’t as bad as I’d expected.

  It stung. It hurt more so because I was already bruised. But it was bearable. The sting felt different to anything I’d experienced before. Over the agony of my spanking, it was a soothing difference.

  It left me agonising to feel Blake’s cock, I had already caught pulsating beneath his trousers earlier. When finally the tears came, I was glad. I felt relieved. I felt as though I was being unblocked. Choked up and clogged with anger and fear, I was, afterwards sent to a place of peace. A wonderful feeling enveloped me. A blessing. Peace washed over me, and I basked in its radiant glory.

  It was the feeling I’d been searching for. To truly feel loved and appreciated and worthy. And I did.

  Tears fell, unbidden from my eyes, turning to sobs before I shuddered and whimpered. Even if I’d have been able to speak, I wouldn’t have. I didn’t want to break the silence that fell between us as Blake gave me what I needed, what I deserved. Not daring to stop until he’d decided he could forgive me.

  I’d promised him my body, and then, as I lay draped over the bed, humbled and freed, I felt I’d given him my soul.

  I was no longer afraid to let him in. He’d seen me at my lowest. He’d raised me to my highest. He’d seen me bared and bruised, and still, he’d loved me. He’d wanted me.

  ‘How do you feel?’ he said, through a relaxed jaw.

  ‘Mmm.’ I forced a smile through my red-eyed, flushed face.

  He released his hand from mine and I turned towards him, unbelievably sore and sorry, but still with a glint in my eye for the man who cared enough to treat me as his queen. And what was a king, but a strong, powerful leader who ruled over his dominion with a firm hand and a gentle spirit?

  I wanted so bad to feel his arms around me, his skin on mine, his lips to my own, but I knew that to ask for him then would discredit everything he had so far taught me. I had to be patient. I was glad when fell back on the bed, pulling me towards him, and cradled me to his warm body. Despite the agony I was in, I kept still and didn’t complain because that was how a queen behaved. And I was his queen. Forever.

  BLAKE

  A strong woman, to me, was one who willingly accepted the consequences of her mistakes. Ezra was a strong woman. She had already learnt what disrespect and dishonesty lead to. I didn’t think she’d want to repeat those offences too soon. But her emotions often got the better of her.

  Of course, I knew how to take care of her. Being practical, I’d learnt to nip things in the bud before they got out of hand. Things were good, for a while. Until Maddie was released without charge, and I received a call from the serious crimes unit at Brighton and Hove Constabulary.

  What they had to tell me changed everything. In that instant, I looked at Ezra, and saw for the first time, that I’d been wrong. Very wrong. I’d known nothing about her at all.

  EZRA

  Blake had just that minute got off
the phone. I could tell by the way he could hardly bring himself to look at me that he’d discovered my secret. The very reason I’d left the small town of Bude behind six months prior to meeting him in London. I’d always known the truth would come out in the end. That was the trouble with lies they always caught you out, usually when you were least expecting it. I’d played him for a fool. I thought on some level he’d known, but he’d fallen in love with me and I hadn’t the guts to ruin that for him. The problem was he could never love me after everything I’d done. And, believe me, I’d done a lot of bad things. Things I wasn’t proud of. I’d been stupid to think I could sweep it all under the carpet. But I must have done, because I’d never told him, about the money.

  When he walked towards me and held me in his arms, throwing his head back in mock laughter, I almost smiled. He held my face in his hands and kissed me. His kisses were tender, passionate and loving. But as his hand reached out to where my jumper had ridden up over my leggings, I felt the firm pat of his hand on the back of my thigh. The light tug of his fingers on the elastic of my knickers.

  ‘It turns out my girlfriend is a little thief.’

  The excuses I’d been thinking up froze on my tongue the moment I looked into his eyes.

  ‘A thief and a liar.’

  ‘B-‘

  ‘These are coming off.’

  I looked down to where his hand rested on my thigh, patting the skin, trying to gauge my resilience to his touch.

  I wanted to make him wait. I wasn’t ready. But it wasn’t my place to make such decisions. If he felt I’d warranted it I had to surrender to him. That was unconditional.

  My conscience pricked more than my skin with the anxious knowledge I contained. I’d hurt that man so many times. I’d kept things from him. I’d lied to him. I’d upset him far more than I ever would have if I’d slept with him and not bothered to return his call the next day, just as I’d done with all the other men. Blake Strong, the man who adored me, who worshipped me, had never given up on me. Despite his soft touch, the glint in his eye told me what was coming.